mry writes

*a story*

Word got around in the usual way that words get around, which is unknown at the functional level and that is a good thing because words which do not deserve to get around would get around once the code was cracked and anyone could make word get around.

Rumour says the fox has cracked the code; counter-rumours say that is unsubstantiated; the fox simply happened to be in the right place, passing by unseen in the bushes, at the moment the word first jumped to its third ear and the fox has no more insight than does any random bunny. The fox is well known as an opportunist, detractors say.

The thing with the random bunny theory, it was pointed out, is when you have a sufficiently large population the randomness function becomes decreasingly random (more bunnies means a higher likelihood of an event occurring within a population) and when it involves bunnies you tend to have an increasingly large population until the less prolific coyotes can procreate sufficiently to increase bunny randomness by decreasing bunny numbers.

The squirrels being the ones doing the pointing out was considered rather hypocritical, considering the relatively constant overabundance of chattering from every other tree, or so it seemed, until a raccoon, no stranger to being called a pest, reminded everyone that no one ever at all in history, as far as rocky knew, took seriously the things squirrels chattered because squirrels often liked to chatter mainly to hear themselves chattering but did not often have much worth saying.

A parliament convened to hoot about the competing theories and after a lot of hooting and puffing it eventually came up with a testable hypothesis. To wit: gather a careful census of bunnies, coyotes, foxes, and words getting around, and cross-tabulate these data to determine possible correlations. The beauty of this hypothesis, the parliament agreed, was that it might take decades to gather a sufficiently robust set of data. The real beauty was to gather decades of data would require decades of research support, and would require wise old heads, a fact which conveniently ruled out entrusting it to flighty little flocks which could not be counted on to be around for the several years required to complete the work. A committee was tasked with writing grant applications in support of this work, with an agreement to reconvene the parliament to review and discuss the applications prior to submission to appropriate research support agencies. An entire garden of field mice was utilized to supply the parliament during its convention.

When they heard about the parliament usurping their self-proclaimed cleverest-of-all role a local gang cawed bloody murder more loudly than usual. They decided to demonstrate, once and forever, how they alone knew how words get around. Unfortunately for the murder, they would not shut up long enough to stealthily overhear the latest words and thus they undermined their own contention. Besides, one spotted a shiny object left behind which required investigation and argument.

When asked her opinion beaver said she was too busy to bother about such trivialities, did no one else care about the state of the stream?

Likewise skunk, before raising her luscious tail and waddling away, said no one ever invited her over for sumac tea and fresh berries so why should she bother talking with them now, and opossum simply snuffled at no one in particular, miffed that she was frequently stared at and laughed at and pointed at, not her fault she was born such a lovely creature, not her fault at all, so why feign interest in her opinion, you are only going to gossip and laugh at her tail when she moves along which she is going to do right now so you might as well start now because she does not care any more, she has heard it all before and her babies are so lovely so who needs you and your silly word.

A passing doe said she was just a passing doe and had not heard a word but would be sure to keep her ears open and had anyone seen a gorgeous buck in the area and anyway what word were they looking for so she would know it if she heard it?

She has a point, the parliament said, and the bunnies and the foxes and the beaver and the squirrels, who almost never agree on anything, agreed, along with the opossum and the raccoon. The coyotes, being tricksters, said of course they knew the word but they were not going to share it with just anyone. The crows laughed at this and flew off to proclaim to the world their great worth and cleverness.

The word got around that no one knew how the word got around, and the word sighed and took a nap.